The colour of life
Sakshi Shinde
Pune
When Rekha was yet to be born, her mother wanted to abort her. Rekha’s father was bedridden and her mother was unwilling to give birth to her owing to the financial conditions of the family. But her father insisted that the baby should step into this world. “ This is why I can talk to you today. It is because of my father who thought that I should not die in my mother's womb” she says.
But that’s not the end of the story. It was the beginning of the long testing trail for Rekha. When she was just 13, she saw some white spots on her skin. She was detected with Vitiligo.
Understanding Vitiligo
In Vitiligo a person develops white patches of skin caused by the loss of melanin - the pigment that is a major contributor to skin. Experts say that it is a harmless disease and one can live a normal life with Vitiligo. But life was not easy for Rekha as society considers it as an abnormal disease and many also call such a person ominous.
According to V R Foundation working with people living with Vitiligo, it is a generally unpredictable skin disease that causes a gradual loss of skin colour and overlying hair on different parts of the body. Vitiligo is a life-long condition and it’s unlikely that one will ever be completely free of it.
“ An error within the immune system causes it to attack and destroy melanocytes, — the pigment producing cells responsible for the colour of the skin. This results in uneven white patches throughout the body” the Foundation states. It adds that the good news is that Vitiligo is neither life-threatening nor contagious.
Living with Vitiligo
Somehow Rekha continued her education and completed her nursing course. As she didn’t get a job she was married to a person who was already married and his first wife had died.
Her in-laws tortured her and once they dragged her to the river to drown her. Villagers saved her life and she escaped from the clutches of her in-laws. She came to her sister.
The life of a person who has to live with white patches on the parts of the body or the entire body turning white is not easy.
“ Ask me how I have lived. All my life I had to live all alone as nobody wanted to marry me. My relatives never invited me to functions and ceremonies. In fact, people used to fear their children with my name. I have been treated like a ghost” says Babytai a 70-year-old woman from Belgaum in Karnataka.
The new turn
Rekha’s life was not different. Adding to her problems she suffered because of tuberculosis. She admitted herself to a hospital and requested a doctor to treat her. She had no money for the treatment but she promised the doctor that she would work as a nurse in the hospital to pay the treatment expenses.
Her in-laws and husband continued to torture her. Her husband had not divorced her but he got married to another woman.
She decided to shift to Kolhapur to work in a government hospital. She decided to marry once again as living alone in society was becoming challenging. Also, her family members insisted that she should get married. She married to a person whose wife had died and he had children.
Her husband was a drunkard and already had two children from his earlier wife. Every day he thrashed Rekha. Life become intolerable, but she continued to work and live. Meanwhile, she was looking after the children as she had no kids. Her husband died after a brief illness and Rekha was not responsible for raising his kids.
She stood firm
Despite all the discrimination and hatred, she received all her life, Rekha is not bitter. She remained firm and tolerated all the humiliation. Even after her husband’s death, she didn’t desert his kids. She fulfilled the responsibilities. She educated kids and made them stand on their own. She settled them in life and returned to her sister.
“ This life,” she says with teary eyes. When she looks back and introspects, she says that destiny was cruel and unjust towards her. “ Why me?” she asked each and every time she had to suffer. But then there was no one to answer her question. She had to find her own answers.
Vitiligo changed her skin colour and also the direction of her life, but it couldn’t change her spirit to face life as it is.
(Sakshi Shinde is a student of SYBAJMC at Vishwakarma University )
Life of Bina
Sudharsana Jain
Pune
Bina Chhetri always greets everyone with a smile on her face. She never let anyone see through her pain. Born in a small village in Darjeeling, Bina Chhetri is calm when she narrates her tumultuous past. She currently lives with her son Jyoti Chhetri while her two daughters Babita and Suchita are married.
As a child, Bina’s parents restricted her from going to school and asked her to stay at home and help with all the house chores. But one day there was a ray of hope. Her parents allowed her to attend school and she was admitted to 2nd standard when her younger sister was in 4th standard. Children made fun of her. The school was suffocating and she stopped attending school after a month of her admission.
She never felt happy living with her parents as they always treated her as a maid, she says. Her relationship with her parents was strained for some reasons. “They never let me wear nice clothes when my sister got to wear pretty dresses. At the age of 14, I was married off to a rich man. I thought that there will be some peace and happiness. My husband treated me well and we were blessed with three children” she says. Bina was 30 and by the time her husband died if ailment. Then started series of challenges.
The aftermath
At this point in life, she and her children were struggling even to arrange meals. She was always under constant stress on how to manage the next day's food. She started working as a coolie in a railway station. She never missed the day even in harsh weather to earn a little extra money for her children. Sometimes she also went to work as a labourer to break stones.
With hard work, life started getting a little better. She admitted her children into the school. She also worked as a housemaid to support the family.
But despite all the hard work, she earned Rs 30 per month (it was in the year 1982). But then came another major challenge. Her son got infected with polio. With no support and proper income, she was struggling to treat him. It was disheartening for her to see a crippled son. Even after those hardships, she took him to a private hospital for better treatment. Doctors said he would be able to walk again but the treatment and the medicines would cost heavy. She sold utensils in-house to support the treatment.
After a few months, her son started getting better and could walk and was no longer dependent. Meanwhile she got a job as a nurse in a local hospital at a salary of Rs 525 per month. But she was transferred to Takdah and had to leave her children behind. She visited them once a week as they continued their education.
Today her son and elder daughter were married and her friends convinced her that she should remarry. She agreed and married a man who was jobless. He was a violent person and always doubted her. He beat her mercilessly, followed her to her job and used to keep an eye on her. He created a lot of problems for her and made life horrible. He died of a disease.
“All those years were indeed difficult but one thing I learned is that you should never lose hope. Just keep on working hard and one day God will hear your prayers. Today I am living a happy life with my son and daughter-in-law and my grandchildren. My daughters are earning well and feeding their families. After a long journey filled with difficulties it’s finally time for me to retire from all the hardships and stress of life and just enjoy my old age” she says with a smile on her face.
(Sudharsana Jain is a student of SYBAJMC at Vishwakarma University )
Ashwini has decided to fight
Sanika Jain
Pune
Ashwini was rattled and shocked when her husband committed suicide. It was the auspicious Ganesh festival and the family was happily celebrating. Sunil performed the rituals devotedly. Nobody in the family was aware of what was going on in his mind. The next day he was found hanging from the fan with a saree tangled around his neck. Ashwini and her three kids were in complete shock. Ashwini was in a traumatic condition.
Ashwini Chavan (32) who resides in Pimpri-Chinchwad studied till 7th standard. She was married to Sunil in 2007. They used to live in a village but later shifted to the city in search of livelihood. Ashwini gave birth to a daughter a year after her marriage and in later years she also delivered a boy and a girl.
Sunil worked as a driver and meanwhile started drinking heavily. He lost his job because of his drinking habit. Ashwini was left with no choice but to work. She prepares tiffin and serves as a cook in 4-5 houses per day. But despite all these efforts, she had to suffer at Sunil’s hands. He drank and beat her brutally and ruthlessly.
“I was fed up with everything,” says Ashwini. Every evening when Ashwini got back from work, Sunil fought with her. He beat her and forced her to give money to buy alcohol. Moreover, Sunil also had to pay off debts taken by many people. “The stress of repaying the debts might have led him to give up on his life”, said Ashwini.
But she never thought of ending her life. Unlike her husband who decided to commit suicide, Ashwini vouched to fight all the odds and raise her children. Family problems and illness were the major causes of suicides, accounting for 33.2 per cent and 18.6 per cent, respectively, in 2021. Drug abuse and/or alcoholic addiction (6.4 per cent) and marriage-related issues (4.8 per cent) are some other reasons why people commit suicide according to the National Family Health Survey ( NFHS-5).
The motivation
After her husband’s death, the only motivation Ashwini had, were her children. Relatives didn’t support her in any way. She received no help from them. She said, “All alone, I gathered the strength for my children. I decided to get back to work rather than sitting disheartened at home.”
“My kids are my responsibility; I gave birth to them and I have to look after them and their future”, she added.
With the determination of giving her children and herself a better life, she moved forward.
It is difficult for her to manage the rent of her house, pay light bills, etc. There are no savings for her family at the end of the month after making all the necessary payments. Ashwini’s children are studying well at government schools, she intends to educate them diligently.
The Covid-19 pandemic period was one more adversity for Ashwini and her family. They had to cut on meals due to the unavailability of food and financial condition. She sought help from people she works for and passed this hardship too.
The survival
She says that it is very difficult for a woman to survive alone in society. There is always insecurity at the back of her mind. People behave weirdly, she says. It is an arduous journey to overcome and stand all by herself. She said, “Never be dependent on anyone. Come what may, even if you fall or fail, always learn to get up and continue walking by yourself.”
Ashwini is an example of a strong and independent woman who aims for a better future for herself and her family. It is certainly not easy for a single woman to survive in a male-dominated society. But Ashwini and many like her are putting up a tough fight against all the challenges. She has decided to fight and not run away from the battle filed.
( Sanika Jain is an SYBAJMC student at Vishwakarma University.
Pic courtesy: Labdhi Jain
Reshma’s ‘grand’ battle
Harnisha Desai
Pune
She was on the verge to end her life. Unlike the traumatic life she had lived, Reshma wanted silent death. She thought of ending everything by jumping into the well. “ My body should not flow here and there. I should die in peace” she told herself. She remembered her departed husband and urged him in prayers that he must call her to his world. But then, two innocent faces flashed into her mind and Reshma returned back to continue the battle of life. Reshma’s story is the story of her challenge to challenges.
Reshma ( name changed to protect identity) was too young when her father passed away. All her life she could never forget the trauma of living without the shadow of her father. At the age of 16 when she was married to a city man, she was completely unaware of this new world. Her husband was in cattle farming and his financial condition was not that good.
She was illiterate as she never went to school. Her family became her life. She gave birth to two sons and then her life revolved around them. With her two kids and husband, Reshma was completely immersed in daily chores. All her youth she worked along with her husband shouldering the responsibility of a cattle farm.
Both her sons completed the tenth standard and because of financial conditions they left schooling and started working. They worked to earn for the family. A few years later one of the sons was married to a girl who was a sportswoman and a state level player. She wanted to pursue her career but her parents resisted and after her marriage husband convinced her against entering the sports arena. The couple had two children – a son and a daughter. After ten years of marriage, the couple decided to separate because of differences between them.
The grand challenge
Reshma and her husband decided to look after their grandchildren as they were unsure of their son and daughter-in-law’s intent and capacity to look after the kids.
But then, Reshma’s tryst with challenges had not ended. Her husband was detected with blood cancer and Reshma was devastated. All her life she was dependent on him and he was the pivot of her life. This was one of the toughest phases of her life.
She was looking after her ailing husband and also after grandchildren who were going to school.
One day Reshma’s husband breathed last and she was left all alone in the battle of her life with her grandchildren. Her son meanwhile was remarried and he took kids to his place, even as Reshma opposed it. As a part of a religious ritual after losing her husband, Reshma went to her brother’s place. Brother said that she must not go back as her son would not look after her.
But Reshma was unhappy and wanted to return to her household. Her brother said that once she cross the threshold, she must not return home. She was abused, threatened and pressurized to stay in the village and under her brother’s care. But Reshma was worried about her grandchildren. She escaped from her brother’s house and came back to the city.
There was a phase in her life when she was all alone. Though deaths lingered in her mind. She was shocked to know that her beloved granddaughter was severely injured and had to be hospitalized after her stepmother thrashed her. Reshma decided against ending her life. She got back to her grandchildren to build their future.
The Life Struggle
She had some savings and also sold her jewellery. She paid for the education of her grandchildren and ensured that they don’t leave their education incomplete. Life was not easy for her. At a time her grandchildren would fight with her for not allowing them to meet their father.
She suffered mentally, physically and emotionally as a widow in an orthodox community. She was fighting a lonely battle only to secure the future of her grandchildren. That was the only mission in her life. Her son sometimes chipped in with help, but Reshma never allowed him to take away the kids.
Today Reshma’s grandchildren are studying for their graduation and her granddaughter wants to pursue higher education abroad.
“ Don’t worry I am with you. And also I will accompany you when you go abroad” she tells her granddaughter oozing with confidence. Her grandchildren are mesmerized by her confidence and determination.
“ I’d salute her guts. She has made many sacrifices so that we could survive and reach this level in our lives. We are because of her. She is the reason, the core backbone for our survival, success and well-being” says the granddaughter.
For Reshma, life has come full circle. She lived for her grandchildren and hopes to see they excel in life. Ending life was the easy way available for her, but she chose a difficult path of living. She fought the life battle and fought it with courage. At the age of 70 Reshma is still the source of inspiration for her grandchildren.
( Harnisha Desai is a student of TYBAJMC at Vishwakarma University)
Pic curtesy: Press Information Bureau. Representative picture.
Pic taken from - https://www.pib.gov.in/PressReleseDetailm.aspx?PRID=1725976