While the queer community in India are challenging the norms of society and fighting for their basic rights as citizens, in Pune the community has been experiencing winds of change where restaurants, cafes and other places now have started identifying themselves as ‘LGBTQ+ safe space’. In this chain one such cafe is ‘Stories Café’ which is not only a ‘Safe Place’ but also actively promotes the cause and awareness with zeel.
Safety From What exactly?
“We were sitting at a cafe, engrossed in our talks. One of my friends playfully tried feeding me a snack, this might have caught the eye of the owner. He came to our table and said, “Your Kind is not tolerated here.” He seemed agitated and angry whereas we were just normal people trying to have a normal meal like everyone else, having no idea what we did wrong to have such a reaction from him. I was in shock trying to absorb what he just said, trying to make sense out of it.
I somehow gathered my strength and decided not to be ashamed of who I am, and stand for myself and my friends. Afterall we are just as normal as any other person sitting in that cafe. “First of all he’s straight and what do you even mean by your kind?” I said it in a quavering voice, That’s all i could think of at that moment. Knowing he wont understand. When will people actually understand? “ Siddhant Kodlekere, openly gay man narrated one of the incidences which underlines the reaction LGBTQ+ community gets in the society.
A group of openly gay friends Sajid Bhatti, Siddhant (who identifies as non-binary), Raghav Tomar including Siddhant Kodlekere claimed that they are victims of bigotry. They alleged that they have been judged and mocked multiple times. Sajid claims that many times people make fun of him because of his feminine characteristics and the way he talks. “Why do you talk and behave like a girl?” such questions have become a standard reaction.” Sajid added that sometimes at public places people treat him like a woman and it bothers him.
Among many, instances like where Siddhant has cross-dressed at a public place or even an inconsequential act of Nail Art has become a reason for people’s weird and insensitive reactions toward him . He believes that the mentality of people has to change towards the community. People don’t have enough awareness about the topic and therefore they treat us like we are aliens. The society lacks sensitivity so incidents like these have now become a regular thing.
At the end of the discussion all of them came to a conclusion that they deserve every right that a heterosexual person has at public places. They stated “we want to dress and talk however we like, we want to plan events, we want to go on dates with our partners without facing insensitive reactions from the intolerant society.” There are no such places where we can truly be happy without being judged.
“This is the reason why we must have more safe spaces for the LGBTQ+ community where they can have freedom to express themselves’ they added.
Stories Café bringing the change
Stories café is a recently inaugurated ‘safe space’ in Koregaon Park for members of the LGBTQ+ community. Shyam Konnur runs the unique hangout spot for the queer community and its allies. Shyam is also the founder of ‘Mist LGBTQ Foundation’ which is an online portal of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender activists from all across India.
The LGBTQ community in the city have consistently struggled to find safe spaces. Given various phases of coming out that the community’s members go through, Shyam said that organizers need a safe area to promote involvement among their members. “Cities like Mumbai, Bengaluru, and Delhi already have their own queer safe spaces. Our café strives to be such a location in Pune, and proudly displays the pride flag outside,” he added.
Konnur always dreamed of building up an LGBTQ+ community center in India for people like himself, therefore he founded Mist LGBTQ foundation 14 years ago. He co-founded stories café with his partner Ram, Director Kamakshi and Raghav Tomar who’s a proud gay chef. “I wanted to start this initiative in Pune because I live here, But it’s not as easy as in other countries. The funds and donations are not easy to get from the people, organizations and government. The mindset here of social work is very different. That’s why we needed to have sustainability as well as have a safe space for the community. I think this is fulfilling both, so we don’t operate as a restaurant, we provide a space where people can be themselves and plan events” Konnur said.
Mist LGBTQ Foundation has been working on several initiatives for the queer community, which includes HIV AIDS testing and other health related issues. The foundation additionally provides health insurance for the trans community and gives them basic education. Mostly it works to spread awareness about transgenders and empower them to get jobs by giving them proper training.
When asked about how people who identify as a homosexual or bisexual are being treated at the workplace Ram said “Sometimes people are assigned tasks and role which they are not comfortable with, therefore they have no other choice but to either train themselves in a limited time or quit. About how they are being treated by their colleagues at work there is still much more improvement needed.”
Konnor stated that Mist also provides mental support to the community members in two ways which are subsidized mental support and free mental health support. The therapies provided by the foundation are both virtual as well as on-site, people can book their slots through the website.
How does the café ensure Inclusiveness?
“We strictly follow policies that prohibit any form of discrimination”, said Konnur .
“Visitors are expected to be respectful when they enter and not act inappropriately or make fun of other people, in case someone still misbehaves we politely ask them to leave. We’re excited to work with other organizations from the communities and aim to host a variety of events at the location. To help us all better understand one another, we hope that the café will serve as a link between the LGBTQ+ and other communities.”
He further added “right now we are working like a family, we have not implemented policies that force people to wear a certain kind of clothes. People can come here however they want even in their sleeping clothes and pajamas. Here in stories there is no dress code and people are not obligated to behave in a certain way. When it comes to our employees/staff they are allowed to work in flexible hours unlike other cafés. We also provide them insurance and leaves.”
Sex Education in academic institutions
Public discussion of topics of sex or sex-related issues is widely considered taboo or obscene within the Indian society, therefore, acts as a barrier to the delivery of adequate and effective sexual education to Indian students. This is one of the major reasons why people are not aware about different sexualities, such an information gap creates an intolerant society filled with homophobes and transphobes.
Shyam says “there should be sex education in schools and colleges. There are people who are working for the cause, Unfortunately we don’t recognize them and see their efforts. At the end of the day even if they design a curriculum about sex education & Sexuality it has to go for approval and a lot of process so it gets dismissed somewhere in the middle during this long procedure. This will be a long process especially if it has to come from the government although there are some International schools who are taking measures to educate students about sexuality.” “Even the teachers themselves don’t know that there is no national language in our country, they are not aware about their own constitution, so how do you even expect them to know about LGBTQ+ community?” He added.
Coming Out
“This question has come up a lot of times in the media. I came out of the closet in 2009, at that time the media was not very vocal about the community. Even section 377 was still a criminal offense, but Delhi High Court took it down the same year. Honestly speaking I didn’t go through any difficult phase during the legal procedure. But at the personal level I struggled a lot, I thought I was the only gay man in the whole world because at that time people were not much aware about the concept. Even the queer people themselves lacked knowledge, so I came out when I saw more queer people and became aware about the community. But eventually I came out to my family and friends because I shouldn’t be scared of who I am in the first place. I am out, proud and confident, ” said Shyam.
Shyam and Ram mentioned that as openly gay entrepreneurs they face multiple challenges. “We face challenges from the society, not the customers who come in, and the big businesses who pink-wash small businesses like us thinking that we are their competition. But in reality we are not their competition.” “Pink-washing is when a straight/Cis person is trying to create queer inclusive space with the financial strength they have. Through such strategies they try to steal business out of queer people and make money from the queer customers” both of them added.
Apart from these big entrepreneurs who try to steal their business, queer cafés like Stories also face revenue issues when straight people don’t visit their place due to their stereotypical homophobic nature since the whole environment of the café is openly queer. Shyam said that besides straight people who think places like Stories are strange there are also extremely shy queer people who are scared to visit. They think that somebody might recognize them because they are still in the closet figuring out their sexuality, scared about how their family or friends might react after finding out. Having said that, there are financial issues from both sides.
In addition to this both the founders stated that they don’t get any kind of help from the government especially when it comes to donations. “Everything is available on the paper but nothing has been implemented on ground level even when some MPs have already passed private member bills in our favor” both claimed. Queer foundations such as Mist usually have to earn revenue through their own businesses to continue with their operations which also includes HIV testing.
The co-owners added that even though there is a lot of competition in the restaurant business especially in places like Koregaon Park, it doesn’t bother them. Keeping up with the latest trends and marketing strategies is not their concern because their main goal is to provide a safe space and affordable food for the members of the community. “Our business is growing through good work and word of mouth,” they said.
Pune Pride 2023
This year there’s not one but two pride parades in Pune. First one was conducted on 23rd April 2023 and Second will be held on 4th of June, the LGBTQ+ community’s annual march, Pune Pride, will have its 11th edition, focusing primarily on social justice and the need to change gender norms.
Pune Pride has made the hard decision to keep politics out of the event and participants are simply asked to raise or carry slogans in support of community rights.
Mist is one of the few organizations responsible for conducting Pune Pride 2023. Shyam Konnur said “We noticed that the initial organization was not being inclusive. What’s the meaning of Pride? Pride is to bring the community together to organize it right? but unfortunately there was never the involvement of the community in organizing the event. that’s why the community this year has come together. Multiple organizations and individuals are interested in doing it.”
Supreme Court’s hearing on Same Sex Marriage
Between April 2023 to May 2023, India’s Supreme Court was hearing the closing arguments in a historic group of petitions seeking to legalize same-sex marriages. It is a collection of lawsuits filed by several LGBT couples that Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s government is opposing. According to freelance journalist Shalu Yadav, who has been following the trial from New Delhi says “These petitions are basically asking that the right to marry a person of one’s own choice should be extended to LGBTQ citizens as well.” The case has been concluded in SC but the final verdict is still pending.
On this topic Shyam said “I feel that marriage is a privilege right, everyone must have an access to it. Anyways there should be non-discriminatory laws around the country whether you’re married or not to be able to access the right. The people who are filling for same sex marriage know that it gives us additional rights like bank insurance, medical insurance, to meet your partner at hospital, property inheritance, adoption rights, etc. We need to fight for a much greater cause but marriage rights will surely be a cherry on the cake.”
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